This blog has been making the rounds. Is it offensive? Sure, but I guess it mostly depends on your perspective. Speaking as a human being that's about as Caucasian as Caucasian gets, I think it's hilarious. Isn't that how the unwritten rules concerning these things work in this country? If a joke is being made about your own race you're allowed to laugh at it while everyone has to awkwardly attempt to keep a straight face?

Ok, I'm only digging myself a bigger hole. Moving along, here are some excerpts I found delightfully humorous while I was killing time down at the wine bar I rode to on my bicycle the other day.

Man, some of these really do hit the mark...

# 68 Michel Gondry - "This can be used to help find common ground with white people. Talk about how you wanted to direct music videos after you saw Michel Gondry's video for 'Around the World' by Daft Punk. Then make a joke about how foolish you were at that age and everyone will have a good laugh. But they will also feel your pain about sacrificing your artistic dreams. The observant among you will probably be aware that the white person wet dream 'Be Kind, Rewind' is about to be released. This might be the biggest event in white person film since 'The Royal Tenenbaums.'"

# 58 Japan - "But it goes beyond just food, all white people either have/will/or wished they had taught English in Japan. It is a dream for them to go overseas and live in Japan. This helps them not only because it fills their need to travel, it will enable them to gain important leverage over other white people at sushi restaurants where they can say 'this place is pretty good, but living in Japan really spoiled me. I've had such a hard time finding a really authentic place.'"

# 52 Sarah Silverman – "The easiest way to find out if a comedian is approved by white people is to see if they get mentioned on music blogs or have ever given an interview where they talk about how much they love The Magnetic Fields, Of Montreal, or The Shins. But this does not guarantee white acceptance."

# 40 Apple products - Plain and simple, white people don't just like Apple, they love and need Apple to operate. On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices. Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet."

Labels: controversy

A scene from Saturday night:

From the second floor of the Smart Park garage on SW 10th it sounded like a belated Mardi Gras party. Woo-hoos, shouting, party favors and laughter. Down at street level I discovered the source: ten or so protesters, some of them dressed up like cheerleaders, celebrating the demise of Schumacher Furs. Last week the owners announced that they were closing up shop for good after failing to find a new location. As I headed down the street they were busy ridiculing someone inside who looked desperate to lock up and get out of there for the night.

Admittedly, the protests made me uneasy from day one but gleefully celebrating the closure of a 112-year old, locally owned, family-run business makes my stomach churn. Am I a proud supporter of the fur industry? Hardly. Do I think that the owners, who made a point of fighting back against the protesters with confrontational signs and taunting, act like petulant toddlers in response? Yeah. But do I recognize their right to run a perfectly legal operation in this city? Yes, yes I do.

So what's next? MADD setting up shop outside of the Doug Fir Lounge in the hopes of driving them out of business? Christian conservatives forming a line at the front door of Mary's Club? Vegans taunting the McMenamins brothers at the Chapel Pub for selling hamburgers? Demonstrators of all kinds coming out the woodwork to stop Powell's from putting controversial books on their shelves?

What was the goal of the protesters that made a weekly habit of hanging around SW Morrison St? To make their voices heard? To express their concerns for the animals that went into making those coats? To encourage the owners to purchase their wares from more humane organizations? Or to bully them out of business completely? Based on what I saw over the weekend, it seems to be the later. I wonder how long that storefront will be empty once the Schumachers are gone.

Every time I feel like I'm getting too liberal for my own good, something like this happens. Portland has a way of making even someone like me feel like an arch conservative. Thanks, PDX!

Labels: anipals, controversy, Portland