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Another Portland Blog

Saturday, February 23, 2008

 

Stuff White People Like

This blog has been making the rounds. Is it offensive? Sure, but I guess it mostly depends on your perspective. Speaking as a human being that's about as Caucasian as Caucasian gets, I think it's hilarious. Isn't that how the unwritten rules concerning these things work in this country? If a joke is being made about your own race you're allowed to laugh at it while everyone has to awkwardly attempt to keep a straight face?

Ok, I'm only digging myself a bigger hole. Moving along, here are some excerpts I found delightfully humorous while I was killing time down at the wine bar I rode to on my bicycle the other day.

Man, some of these really do hit the mark...


# 68 Michel Gondry - "This can be used to help find common ground with white people. Talk about how you wanted to direct music videos after you saw Michel Gondry's video for 'Around the World' by Daft Punk. Then make a joke about how foolish you were at that age and everyone will have a good laugh. But they will also feel your pain about sacrificing your artistic dreams. The observant among you will probably be aware that the white person wet dream 'Be Kind, Rewind' is about to be released. This might be the biggest event in white person film since 'The Royal Tenenbaums.'"

# 58 Japan - "But it goes beyond just food, all white people either have/will/or wished they had taught English in Japan. It is a dream for them to go overseas and live in Japan. This helps them not only because it fills their need to travel, it will enable them to gain important leverage over other white people at sushi restaurants where they can say 'this place is pretty good, but living in Japan really spoiled me. I've had such a hard time finding a really authentic place.'"

# 52 Sarah Silverman – "The easiest way to find out if a comedian is approved by white people is to see if they get mentioned on music blogs or have ever given an interview where they talk about how much they love The Magnetic Fields, Of Montreal, or The Shins. But this does not guarantee white acceptance."

# 40 Apple products - Plain and simple, white people don't just like Apple, they love and need Apple to operate. On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices. Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet."

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