This photo was taken on the beginners slope at Hoodoo as I was lying flat on my back and shortly after I heard a snap in my neck. The afternoon marked my first time on a snowboard and I never did quite figure out the whole "how to stop without falling over or crashing" thing. On this particular suicide run down those icy slopes I got going a little too fast, took a spill and felt something pop in my neck. For a brief moment I assumed that I'd never feel my belly-button again.

If there's anything I suck at, it's skiing. If there's anything I suck at more than skiing, it's snowboarding. Supposedly, the later is much easier than the former and that's true. It's incredibly easy to get up on a snowboard and launch yourself down a slope. But stopping? Much harder on a snowboard. I watched everyone around me bomb down the slope and somehow, magically, come to an elegant stop at the bottom by turning and leaning back on their boards. I tried this too and fell over every time. Maybe I should have, oh, done some reading or taken a few lessons before I went up there. Eh, whatever. I was in the mood to just toss myself into the deep end of the winter sports pool.

For those learning to snowboard for the first time much of that first day is spent on your back trying to summon up the courage to stand up again. Adding to the challenge: the temperature up at Hoodoo that day was in the high 40s and the snow was packed down and icy, making it super slick. It was incredibly easy to go from a stopped position to 88 MPH in two seconds flat.

The highlight of the afternoon, having my "fight or flight" kick in at the worst possible moment as I was getting off the lift. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed an elderly lift operator to prevent myself from falling over, making him a reluctant participant in a crash that nearly broke his back and my ego for all time. He walked away without injury and I spent the rest of the afternoon hiking to the top of the hill to avoid both him and the lift. The other newbie I went with? No such problems.

But inner tubes? Those I can handle. You just throw yourself on a tube, point it down hill and slam into a snowbank when you feel like stopping. Of course, that gets boring after a while. Fortunately, the staff at Ski Bowl last Saturday looked the other way when a group of Jägermeister-chugging tubers decided to start constructing jumps on the resort's so-called "xtreme" tube runs.

I talked to one employee between his attempts to prevent a 30-student Bible study group from killing themselves by going down a run all at once while screaming quotes from Predator ("get to the choppa!" being one particularly random line from that 1987 celluloid classic). Supposedly, Ski Bowl once offered two truly scary slopes for inner tubes. They had to be shut down after one too many Johnny Knoxville-wannabes had to be carted down to Government Camp in ambulances.

I took a few of the jumps and, after landing hard on my shoulder, I decided to stick with the runs that wouldn't inevitably result in a Life Flight trip to OHSU. Shortly thereafter, we kicked back to watch everyone else hurt themselves. One guy managed hit a jump, fly off his tube and land on his feet. One girl wasn't so lucky and landed on her head before falling face deep in the snow. I'll be honest, there was about 10-seconds there where everyone thought she had killed herself but she got up and was back on the slopes 15 minutes later.

All things considered, maybe I should take up cross-country skiing. Nice, safe, tedious cross country skiing.....no, no, I just can't do it. I have a need. For speed.

Labels: snow

KGW has been showing clips of sled dogs running up and down NW 23rd all day.

I think it may be time for me to trade in my car for a few Huskies and a used sled.

Labels: snow

I'm supposed to be at work on Friday morning and it doesn't look like this snow is going anywhere between now and then. So earlier today I was looking down the barrel of a deadline to dig my car out of a large snowdrift, learn how to put on snow chains and then finally figure out how to drive in a fairly extreme winter weather conditions. Here's what the car looked like at 4 this afternoon:

Here's what it looked like around an hour later:

My car now has its very own psuedo-Bat Cave/ice fortress. And what psuedo-Bat Cave/ice fortress is complete without its very own army of miniature snowmen?

A guy passing by on skis gave me a thumbs-up and praised my "wonderful art display." The neighbors down the street though? I don't think they liked the idea of their 20-something neighbor taking photos of snowmen wielding plastic lightsabers and toy guns. They slowed down and stopped as I was taking this photo. After starring at it for a few seconds without saying anything, they quickly zoomed over to their driveway. Maybe it's for the best that I didn't add beer bottles to the display after all.

I'm not sure if these snowmen are going to make it through the night without a group of neighborhood teens dropping by to knock them over but I hope they keep the car safe.

Labels: snow

Who knew that a snow drift could double as an excellent beer cooler? Ok, well, I didn't. The drift kept these "stubbies" of Session Lager ice cold without actually freezing them despite the fact that the temperature dropped into the low 20s last night.

One drawback. I left two bottles out there and four inches of new powder has fallen since. I know they're out there somewhere....

In other news, when, dear God, will the snow stop falling? It. Just. Keeps. Coming.

Labels: beer, snow

Here's what the Fat City Cafe in Multnomah Village looked like this afternoon. The place was packed, the staff was frazzled and a fan in the kitchen filled the dining area with smoke because snow kept clogging an air vent on the roof. Meanwhile outside, the surrounding neighborhood looked downright pastoral.

My first job was as a busboy at the cafe in the '90s when it was owned by a former NFL player and his wife. Two things I didn't know about the place until I found its webpage a few minutes ago:

A man shot his would-be lover in the cafe's basement and there's bullet holes in the walls to prove it. From what I remember, it's creepy enough down there as it is.

One of the current co-owners used to sing in a punk band that toured with Black Flag.

I've been going to Fat City since I was a kid and the staff still doesn't raise an eyebrow when someone like me orders a chocolate milkshake to with an omelet. It's that kinda place.

Labels: restaurants, snow

Right now my car is covered in a one inch layer of ice and snow and the thermometer says it's 22 degrees out there. My street has nine inches of snow topped with ice and a few 18-inch tall snowdrifts. I'm literally snowbound and trapped but my employer still expected me to come to work this morning.

Pfffft.

Maybe if I had access to a flame thrower, a snow plow, two teams of sled dogs, Toyota-sized ice skates and a box of smoke bombs to ward off those armor-plated polar bears from The Golden Compass.

Ok, so this cell phone photo doesn't quite capture how nasty it is out there but, trust me, you'd be quacking, quaking and shaking in your moon boots if you had been facing an 11-mile commute this morning. Especially with only an aging Camry and a cup of Swiss Miss at your disposal.

Sadly, it looks like the winter wonderland is quickly giving way to a....FREEZING RAIN/SNOWPOCALYPSE! Eeeep! I was hoping for a legitimate snow day but it's not looking good right now.

Meanwhile, KGW claims there are skiers trying to make their way up to Mt. Hood right now. 60 MPH winds and blizzard conditions await them at Timberline. The Banfield is completely frozen over, the Steel Bridge is a Popsicle, I-5 is a mess, I-84 is closed and nobody's out there. My neighborhood is completely silent.

When did Portland change it's name to Wasilla, Alaska? I haven't seen a winter like this in Portland in at least five years, maybe even ten. I'm going back to bed. See you again come springtime.

"This hasn't happened in a century," says KGW's Brenda Braxton. Ok, it's bad but I'm at least 82 - 90% that's a complete overstatement.

Labels: snow

Here's a video that was filmed down in the South Waterfront on Monday. Snow and ice? They'll forever be this city's Achilles' heel. I took this same hill without a problem yesterday afternoon. What a difference a day, and snow tires, make. Nonetheless, I wasn't so lucky up on Council Crest about a half hour later.

A hat tip goes out to Jack Bog's Blog, where "Buck a Hit" day is currently in full effect. Merely clicking on that link will result in a two dollar donation being made to local charities.

Labels: snow, the weather

I've been living in Portland for most of my life and I can't recall a week of winter weather as nasty as this one. Ok, sure, there was an ice storm one year when I was in high school that knocked out power in my neighborhood for a week. Still, there seems to be no end in sight to the horrible onslaught of snow and ice (or what people in Denver might call "average December weather") that will keep the city frozen solid through at least Christmas, supposedly.

Anyway, here's some random anecdotes from what I've seen around town since the snow arrived on Sunday.

The cliche lives on. Oregonians can't drive in snow or ice to save their lives. I spent ten minutes stuck on an on-ramp to I-5 tonight and there was barely anything on the freeway to warrant all this overly cautious hysteria. Nonetheless, everyone insisted on driving 15 MPH. I used to believe all the storm-hype spoon fed by local news stations and refused to drive anywhere once snow was in the forecast. Then I finally got my hands on a set of snow tires. What a difference proper traction devices make.

I was drunk on enough snow tire-fueled hubris to head up to Council Crest, the highest point in Portland, this afternoon. I ran into problems when I attempted to scale an ice-covered, 45 -degree street. I made it halfway, spun my wheels and decided to head back down backwards. The PGE crew working along SW Fairmont didn't find this too amusing, especially when I came within five feet of plowing into one of their work trucks. Whoops.

I made it up to the park to find a group of teenagers with snowboards. They were taking turns hitting a ramp leading up to a picnic table. While I was standing there, one landed on his back, the other nearly cleared it and...then landed on his back. I wanted to get a photo of all of this reckless adolescent self-destruction but I've reached an age where I'm afraid of teenagers and live in perpetual fear of them ever setting foot on my lawn.

Also: check out this makeshift sled ramp. As you might have noticed, that's a large tree sitting ten feet in front of it. Brilliant!

What's with all of these guys that are walking around with ski poles? You can find them on nearly every sidewalk in Portland right now. Does that really help them maintain their balance on icy pavement? Or does it substantially increase the potential for injury? The likelihood of them impaling themselves after slipping? Much higher with ski poles than without.

Local schools will no doubt be shut down all week, thousands are refusing to go to work because the streets aren't safe but, despite everything, 20,000 people managed to make it down to the Rose Garden tonight for the Blazers' 32-point conquest over the Sacramento Kings. Could this mean that locals are finally getting the hang of driving in winter weather and might even stop using it as an excuse convenient excuse to call in sick and drive around town like terrified toddlers? Only time will tell.

Finally, here's a photo of Zoe the dog after a round of snowball fetch.

Labels: snow, the weather

posted by Brandon  # 11:17 PM 0 Comments

Under normal circumstances an inch of snow on the ground would be grounds to stay home from work. Unfortunately, my company's uptight attendance policy turns what would typically qualify as a snow day into a crap shoot. Would this amount of snowfall count or earn me a dreaded "occurrence"? My attendance record as of late hasn't been so hot so it was a chance I couldn't afford to take. Calling in sick from London last September may have allowed me to scratch a line off my bucket list but it isn't doing jack squat for me in the bleak midwinter of 2008.

So I bit the bullet and set out 30 minutes earlier than usual this morning, expecting to run into pandemonium and chaos and this. Any amount of snowfall in Portland can lead to a nightmarish commute. The tracks of what may or may not have been a lone coyote in my front yard somehow served as an foreboding sign of what was to come.

Except that everything went smoothly. Few motorists were running the not-so icy gauntlet of Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway at 7 AM so I made it to work a full 25-minutes early. With the exception of a poorly-executed right turn that caused me to skid a bit, it was completely uneventful. I didn't see any cars abandoned on the side of the road or any jack-knifed Tri-Met buses. Instead, I spotted several joggers darting down snow-covered sidewalks. Even the MAX seemed to be running without a problem and Portland Public Schools, which almost always closes for any measurable amount of snowfall, settled for a two-hour late opening. That said, I'm glad I didn't have to pull down the driveway pictured above onto SW Terwilliger this morning.

So this begs the question: how many inches of snow does it take to shut down Portland for a full day? A storm last year dumped, I want to say, four inches on the ground, effectively bringing the city to its knees for roughly 24 hours. If I had to guess I'd set the bar at two inches. Today's measly inch or so may as well have been gone and forgotten by 10 AM.

Labels: snow

The last time a serious amount of snow fell in Portland, it was 2004 and no one was ready for it. The city came to a screeching halt and I found myself trapped for two days in the depths of Beaverton. This random winter phenomenon makes absolutely no sense to anyone living on the east coast or anywhere else that receives regular annual snowfall. The fact of the matter is, if you've lived in Multnomah County for more than five years, you don't know how to drive in snow, deal with snow or do anything in the snow but play in it or hide indoors. It doesn't matter if you were born and raised in Barrow, Alaska. Five years in PDX and you will lose your ability to deal rationally with slick streets and snowflakes. Winter weather in Portland is like a monsoon anywhere else.

Yes, we are as meek and defenseless as little, baby hamsters when snow hits. Doubt it? Click here for further evidence.

So it should come as no surprise that Portland completely fell apart yesterday after a winter storm rolled through in the middle of many resident's morning commutes. PPS didn't officially close down until 7:45 AM, well after the time many parents and kids were already en route. Tri-Met buses headed out on their routes without chains and crash landed in the middle of downtown. Abandoned cars littered the streets and the $50 million+ OHSU tram....amazingly kept running.

Because I work a swing shift, I slept through all of this. I woke up around 10 and discovered a winter wonderland outside my front door. After I discovered that my car was frozen over and my street hadn't been salted, I decided to avoid the mistakes of the past, skip work and stick close to home. And by "close to home," I mean hiking two miles to my parent's place so I could spend the rest of the day playing in the snow with a sibling, who also went AWOL from work.

Along the way I watched a semi nearly jack-knife itself under the Burlingame Bridge. A pair of SUVs slammed into one another outside of a Fred Meyer. Near Wilson High School, I stood on a sidewalk while two over-confident businessmen in a mini-van attempted to ascend a hill worthy of the Matterhorn. They made it five feet before their van began sliding backwards and into the path of an ambulance. Fortunately, they managed to steer the vehicle into a curb.

I made it past the Hoot Owl Market on Capitol Hwy without falling on my ass. There I encountered a gang of five adolescents who had decided to blow their "Get Out of School Free" card by launching snowballs at passing cars. After a driver in a Suburban pulled a near 360, they pelted his windows with a barrage of not-so friendly fire. "One day your car will get stuck in the snow," he yelled. His pleas fell on deaf ears.

Assuming these kids were well-versed in the ethics of 18th century naval warfare or at least the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, I requested "parley." Their leader obliged but I remained unconvinced of his sincerity. Eager to get off their turf, I began a pathetic jog and...immediately fell on my spine. They held their fire, perhaps out of sympathy or more likely disgust but laughed like rabid hyenas. With only my dignity damaged, I trudged onwards as they barraged a passing Volkswagen.

Later, while in search of lunch in Multnomah Village, we watched a Subaru come within inches of backing over a child on a sled. The parents, completely oblivious, were waiting to cross the street as the sports utility wagon's bumper slid steadily towards the also oblivious kid's head. Onlookers screamed and an unknown force (or more likely elementary physics) intervened and magically stopped the car from sliding over the kid and through the front doors of Acapulco Gold. Eager to celebrate a still fatality free day, we headed inside for burritos as a snowboarder regaled the sidewalk crowd by being dragged through the streets water ski-style.

After burritos, we hit the slopes with two saucer sleds and "Lil' Champion," an ancient, rickety sled currently in its sixth decade of operation. Against all odds, this thing has endured the rear-ends of three generations worth of thrill-seeking German Americans. While the saucers were perfect for sailing over snow jumps thoughtfully constructed by those who had come before us, Lil' Champion was built for pure, unobstructed speed. After my sibling slammed backwards into a bench near the volleyball courts, we relocated to a steep hill near the playground and away from the crowds.

We had the place to ourselves and a good hundred yards of hill, pavement and grass- ideal conditions for a series of proper speed trials. I was determined to sail over the basketball courts and all the way to the bathrooms but could never pick up enough velocity to make it all the way. Not that this was necessarily a bad thing. Every time Lil' Champion hit the bottom of the hill, I briefly caught air. Considering that the sled wasn't designed for anything "xtreme" or anyone over 80 pounds, it's amazing that it didn't shatter like glass and impale my "child at heart" heart on a ruptured runner.

And a good portion of the evening was spent camped in front of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

It was a good day. Maybe not in the Ice Cube sense but a good day nonetheless. This only goes to show that a strong work ethic will get you nowhere or, worse yet, a nearly abandoned, overpriced motel in Beaverton.

Labels: snow

A round of photos from Winter Blast '07, which hit this morning right around 6.

Labels: snow