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Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The top 10 reasons why Enchanted Forest will make you wet your pants - part 2
Click here for numbers 10 - 7.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it." - Arnold Schwarzenegger, Predator.
If I ever encountered the "bunny flower" as a child, I have no memory of it. As mentioned previously, I visited Enchanted Forest several times as a kid. Based on the condition of the flower, it's been in the park for years. I must have seen it at some point and, given how freakish it is, there's no way I could have forgotten about it unless I supressed the memory. Some might describe this abomination as "whimsical." Those people would be wrong. I think it would make an excellent monster in an '80s action flick. Can't you picture Jess Ventura firing a mini-gun at this thing? The flower can be found in the Alice in Wonderland section of the park.
This one I remember well. I have a distinct memory of going to the park with around a dozen family members sometime in the '80s. We entered the crooked house, I came around a corner and encountered this, a bizzare mural of a violinist with four eyes that looks like the love child of Neil Gaiman and a random goth groupie. I'd rate the amount of terror I experienced that day on the same level as "Danny meeting the twins in The Shining." Who thought putting something this eerie in an already weird, poorly-lit amusement park atracction would be a good idea and what were they smoking? Adding insult to injury, is there any mention of a four-eyed violinist in the original nursery rhyme? No, no there isn't. I checked.
Here's another one that warrants a look at the source material. While the original nursery rhyme claims that "everywhere that Mary went, her lamb was sure to go" it neglects to mention whether or not the little guy was cool with this arrangement. Based on the display here, Mary's lamb is definitely not comfortable with getting dragged everywhere. Even Michael Vick didn't subject his pets to the American educational system. Mary's an animal abuser and, if you doubt it, check out the horror in the lamb's eyes and that determined, sadistic look in her's. Disturbing side note: the rhyme is supposedly based on a true story.
The first section of the park, "Storybook Lane," is devoted to nursery rhymes, some of which include animatronic figures. They're kept in pretty good shape but they do get dusty and there's little to stop bugs from creeping inside them. Take, for example, this diorama featuring Goldilocks and the Three Bears. You can't see it but, in the corner, there's a cobweb with a real, live black widow.
Ok, it's probably just a Daddy Long Legs but, if you were Goldilocks, which would you be more concerned with? The cartoon bears in the bedroom or the spider in the corner surrounded by dead bugs? Wait, don't answer that.
In addition to the bugs, the 60s-era technology on display includes a murky audio track blaring out of old speakers. Add up the bugs, the old tech and the fact these are basically stuffed animals jumping around "by themselves" and you've got yourself enough material to fuel a few thousand preschool nightmares. If I was four year old and owned a teddy bear, I'm sure I'd try to flush him down the toilet after getting a look at the Enchanted Forest's Three Bears display.