A video in honor of my sister's 29th birthday...

Labels: holidays

As you may have guessed, there's a few key differences between IKEAs in the United States and the ones in Europe. I recently had the opportunity to visit a location on the outskirts of Amsterdam.

In addition to the incredibly cheap Bavarian brand lager in the cafe, I spotted something else...


...something at least 10 - 25% more sinister....


...something that would never fly at the IKEA out by the Portland Airport.

That's right, calf-skin rugs. What you see here is an entire bin full of them. 50 or so, by my estimate. That's a lot of dead baby cows, all right.

IKEA calls them koldbys. At first, I figured they must be fakes but, as the tag explains, they're the real deal, right down to the branding marks and other imperfections.

UPDATE: I stand corrected. The PDX location not only has koldbys in stock, it has *89* of them.

Labels: anipals, travels

Boy howdy, if this ain't a surprise.

What seemed like a lame idea for a lame show centered around a series of lame send-ups of lame Portland cliches is actually much more than half-baked lameness. Portlandia takes a tired gag, like making fun of feminist bookstores, and transcends it with absurdest humor reminiscent of The Kids in the Hall while tossing in something unexpected, like a cameo from Steve Buscemi. He shows up at the 8:30 mark of the first episode, posted below.

The premiere tackles time-worn local stereotypes like adult sports leagues and organic farms. Part of the appeal is that these skits are rooted in a thorough knowledge of the city and its inhabitants. I've actually eaten lunch with a guy much like Fred Armisen's character. During a meal at the Morning Star Cafe last summer, he asked a perturbed waitress a dozen questions about the cheeseburger he was considering. After she went to the trouble of asking the manager about the beef the restaurant uses and whether or not the cow had been fed organic corn, he opted for hashbrowns and eggs instead. That guy could probably use a five year stint on a farm "30 minutes south of Portland."

But instead of shooting for easy "look at all these stupid hipsters and hippies" gags, Portlandia is much more ambitious. A skit about an adult "hide and seek" league results in a confrontation between a player and an irritated elderly woman who fillets modern romance and every aspect of his life. The organic farm sketch leads its characters along a strange trip to a cult commune lorded over by Jason Sudeikis.

That said, I can't see this thing lasting beyond a season or two. The premise is bound to paint Portlandia into a corner quickly, unless the show is willing to branch out beyond it fast. Imagine a Saturday Night Live just about Manhattan or a Monty Python just about Manchester. Both would have come with short expiration dates, regardless of how witty the contents. With Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen at the center, they probably have no intention of keeping the show going for more than that though. If anything, this is likely just a goofy side-project for the two of them to fill some time between tours and recording voiceovers for Brainy Smurf in the new Smurfs movie.

Labels: television

As if I haven't had enough trouble keeping this blog up to date, I foolishly started another one back in October. The Burning Log offers a snarky look at Burning Man, everyone's favorite annual arts festival in a Nevada wasteland. I spent two weeks in and around Black Rock City this year and returned with too much material to dump here on Another Portland Blog. Click here to have a look.

With the exception of Adrien Roberts' piss n' vinegar-clogged stuff in Piss Clear and the more recent BRC Weekly, most coverage of Burning Man tends to be uber-serious and solemn. There's too much emphasis placed on "what does it all mean?" the anti-consumerist ethos and the art. So many seem to forget that the festival is, for better or worse, an excuse to go out into the desert and act like a freak for a week or two. I'm shooting for more of an Anthony Bourdain take on the dang thing, somewhere in the field between appreciative and sarcastic. Whether I've pulled this off so far, well, I'll leave that up to you.

Labels: burning man

Inspired by Kate O. and her efforts over at the Karate Kid-fueled Effing the Ineffable, here's a photographic rundown on my 2010:

January

As you might recall, both myself and sixteen of my coworkers got the boot from Comcast in November of 2009 when the company decided to ax our department for reasons still unknown. I had just celebrated my seventh anniversary at Comcast. Two of my coworkers were expecting and another had just bought a house. It seemed like the end of the world at the time. Not only was I out of work, I could no longer afford the rent on my cottage over near Tryon Creek. But the Flying Spaghetti Monster never closes a door without opening a stove vent. I wound up enrolling at PSU for a second degree. At first, sitting in lecture halls alongside students five to ten years younger than me was intimidating. Then they started inviting me on their radio shows. Pictured above: the on-air booth at KPSU.

February 2010

I spent a few days up in Vancouver during the Winter Olympics with my sister Shanna and her finance Kyle. It was awesome. There were roughly 500,000 people roaming the city and the surrounding mountains dressed like this. Did I lie about my nation of origin a few times? Maaaaaaybe. Hey, it was the only way I managed to slip in among the locals watching the US v. Canada hockey match in a rowdy downtown bar.

March

Nuthin' says "spring has sprung" like grease-covered hippie gents in the Park Blocks.

April

I celebrated Songkran, the Thai New Year, with my friends Pete and Nong down at the Wat Buddha Temple in Salem. This involved lots of food and washing both Buddha statues and the hands of monks.

May

Olly and Rhi, two pals, decided to tie the knot in Akron so a bunch of us flew over for their nuptials. This allowed me to tour such legendary Ohio locales as a "world famous" Bible museum, White Castle, Pancake House and the always lovely, always post-apocalyptic Cleveland! Here's a shot of my friend Bryan passed out at the airport next to a Tauntuan that was purchased at a vintage toy shop...in Cleveland! Cleveland! Cleve...

June

"M" from Bubbly Red Stuff came to town and I wound up tagging along with her on a tour of the Oregon Outback. We ate ice cream in Ashland, got attacked by a vicious swarm of mosquitoes in a ghost town and blazed around the Alvord Desert Knight Rider-style. This blurry snapshot of my guitar at a campsite outside of Lakeview doesn't even come close to doing the trip justice.

July

Here's the belly of a woman I found myself sitting next to on a bench at the Oregon Country Fair. "Tykes" seemed to be the theme of my summer. I volunteered at an educational day camp out in Tigard. You haven't lived until you've had to lead a dozen 6-year olds on a nature hike. You've heard the term "herding cats"? This was more like herding cats with the attention spans of Animal from The Muppets.

August

I wound up back in Black Rock City as a volunteer for the 2010 Burning Man Festival. I worked on/got-in-the-way of a project organized by a group of Portland-based artist and served as a staff writer at The Black Rock Beacon. My assignments included an investigation into the police presence in BRC and constructing an art bench covered in parodies of daily comics. I also got the opportunity to fly a small stunt plane for ten whole minutes, compliments of Pedro, a pilot from the Bay Area.

September

I wasted away a miserable few days in Amsterdam in 2007. I received some terrible news about a family member, got searched by the police and nearly had my passport stolen by a fishy hotel clerk dressed in a Reservoir Dogs suit. I vowed to never return to the Netherlands. Three years later, I ate those words when "M" invited me over for a few weeks. With her watching my back, things went much smoother this time around. We even managed to pull off a long weekend in Istanbul. This photo was taken at a lamp shop in the Grand Bazaar.

October

Dang, another photo of Bryan? Well, this time he's dressed as Columbo. This blurry shot was captured on Halloween night at Roadside Attraction in SE Portland. It's become my favorite bar in town. The front yard is a great place to pass a sunny summer afternoon or a winter night. A large fire pit manages to keep things toasty. The decor inside is one part opium den, one part limbo and the jukebox is killer. On Halloween right around midnight, the place felt downright supernatural. The back room, which features a blood-red pool table, an old piano and eerie portraits, looked like various revelers had been kidnapped moments before we got there. Two full pint glasses sat at a table in the corner. A shot of whiskey was left untouched on a stool. Someone had abandoned a homemade proton pack on the floor. Outside, a guy tripping on acid while dressed in a creepy seahorse costume was posed for photos by the fire.

November

I spent the fall months interning for a US senator. Among my tasks: inspecting mail for anthrax, volunteering for Obama at the Convention Center, shaking hands with Sam Adams and contending with the never-ending slew of strange "regulars" that called in to the Senator's office everyday. This snapshot? It was taken on Election Night at the downtown Hilton moments before John Kitzhaber's speech. That night he was still locked in a stand-off with Chris Dudley for the governorship.

December

Last but certainly not least, a "cock monkey." Three of these bad boys showed up in the mail in a package sent to Portland direct from the Red Light District in Amsterdam (via Leiden). I kept them stored away in a foot locker until the holidays, when they were given to Pete, Nong and Kyle. You can imagine what's hidden beneath all that "No Peaking!" ribbon. A squeeze of their left paws gets these monkeys, well, "excited." One of them did a hell of a job as a back-up singer during a stint at the Voicebox karaoke lounge a few days before Christmas. Another was last reported getting on a plane to Thailand, where he's hopefully entertaining plenty of Nong's relatives and colleagues.

Labels: photos

On the other hand, if not...

Labels: snark

It's been a busy few months on this end. How have you been? How's your mum? Ah, that's swell.

I've been tied up with school, work, an internship and the holidays over here. I've also moved to different digs. My new surroundings are refreshing, relatively alien and a bit exhausting.

In addition to relocating, I've also been freelancing a bit. A few of my articles have recently appeared in The Good Life Report. Here's one on Portland and one on green architectural firms. Oh, and here's another that explores the ever-exciting world of iPad covers. Please, enjoy.

More to come....

Labels: journalism