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Saturday, May 16, 2009
My friends Dan and Ashley recently made one of these things. I believe it's called a "bay-bee" or something like that. This is very exciting since they're the first members of my social group to do this. At least as far as I know. There is one guy that could very well have a kid running around in every time zone on the planet.
So this little bugger's name is Henry Charles Atkinson. He was born on Mother's Day and, at this point, I don't know much about him other than that he's a big fan of breast milk and that his doodie doesn't stink.
Now this is an interesting factoid that I didn't know about newborns until a few days ago. Supposedly, a newborn's poop doesn't give off much of a scent because their digestive system hasn't built up a significant amount of stink-causing bacteria or something like that. I remain skeptical but I'm not about to stick my nose anywhere near Henry's diaper basket to find out for sure. If you would like to know more about the bowel movements of newborns, click here.
Happy to be of service.
I can't foresee a day when I'll ever have kids so I'd just like to thank Dan and Ashley for cranking one out. According to George Benson and Whitney Houston, children are our future. After all, someone is going to have to lead the revolution against the Terminators a few decades down the road and I'll be too old to do it. Can't you picture lil' Henry here gruffly muttering "if you're listening to this, you ARE the resistance" over a short-wave radio in post-apocalyptic LA as a NIN song plays in the background?
OK, Atkinsons. The future of humanity may very well depend on your parenting skills. Don't screw this up.