Once upon a time, I spent a year struggling to become a Professional Journalist TM. For various reasons, not necessarily limited to the fact that the only paying, non-internship gig I could find was in Barstow, California, I decided to stick with a career in an entirely different field. Take a look around here. Tossing in the towel was a shrewd move on my part, no? Plus, given the perpetually shrinking market for print journalists in recent years, I can't say I've spent too much time crying my eyes out over not making the cut. Journalism is a tough racket and it gets tougher every day.

I received plenty of rejection letters during my job hunt but my favorite, by far, was the one I got from Wm. Steven Humphrey, the editor of The Portland Mercury. If you've never seen a copy of his standard rejection letter/email, it's one of the best in the business. I don't know if he still sends this one out but I've received it two or three times over the years. My friend Autumn was also sent a copy during her foray into the world o' media. Here's what it looks like:

Hey _______,

Thanks a bunch for your application. Unfortunately, I'm looking for someone different at this time. Putting together a paper is a lot like finding pieces for Frankenstein's monster; and while you'd be a great right arm, right now I'm looking for the left. I'm sure someone of your talent will be discovered quickly.

Thanks again, and best of luck in the future!

Yer pal,

Steve

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Editor
Portland Mercury

It's very sweet, no?

Full disclosure: who landed the last position I applied for at the Mercury? Amy J. Ruiz herself. True story. So, off in some parallel universe, could I have found myself embroiled in a certain City Hall scandal? Naw. Over there I'm sure my doppelganger is currently enjoying a lucrative career as a globe-trotting crime fighter/sushi chef/brain surgeon/astronaut/Ferrari test driver.

Labels: journalism, politics