For a family Halloween get-together last month I slaved over a hot oven and prepared three cheeseburger pies. While they were obviously feats of amazing kitchen engineering and proved to be fairly photogenic, they didn't go over so well. Why? Because each chewy, gooey pie packed around 1 million calories. Seriously, they were like that magical elf bread in The Lord of the Rings. A single bite could keep the appetite of the average hobbit sated for a week.

One remaining pie has been sitting in my freezer since Halloween and I don't know what to do with it. I can't convince anyone I know to come over for leftovers and it would take me until New Years to eat by myself. So I now turn to you for advice.

What should I do with this thing?