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Friday, October 31, 2008
Why it just doesn't pay to carve effigies of GOP candidates for the vice presidency
I began "The Palin Pumpkin Project" an hour late but with the best of intentions, ie, to carve a pumpkin that would best exemplify the persona, beliefs, biography and very essence of the candidate herself. As you can see below, the end result looks more like the love child of Slimer and Dr. Zoidberg than Sara Palin. This pumpkin is ghastly, ungodly and difficult to look at for longer than five seconds.
Naturally, I consider the project a success.
Here's the outline I was using as a model.
Now remember, my goal here wasn't to create something like this, a jack o' lantern that would actually resemble the outward appearance of the governor of Alaska. Oh sure, I could have attempted to stay within the lines as I carved but would that have truly encapsulated the spirit of Mrs. Palin? I don't think so. Am I trying to excuse my absolutely pathetic pumpkin carving skills here? Of course not.
The damn thing took me nearly two hours to carve. Also: the two glasses of Vampire Brand wine I drank during dinner and the bottle of pumpkin beer I drank while carving surprisingly did not improve my chances of creating anything presentable. In the words of Dr. Frankenstein after he realized that he unleashed an unholy behemoth on an unsuspecting countryside, "Man, I should have probably gone to see Saw V instead."
The Palin pumpkin is still at my parents' house. I wonder if they're going to put it alongside the other pumpkins in their front window tonight as they wait for trick or treaters to ring their doorbell. Somehow I doubt it.
I guess I could try to carve another Palin pumpkin next year but, with any luck, no one's going to remember that twit's name come Halloween 2009.