rss feed | youtube | links | the burning log
Monday, August 11, 2008
The best amusement park ride in Oregon
Oregon isn't known for its amusement park rides so when it comes to nominating the state's best I guess it makes sense to set the bar low. With Thrill-Ville USA officially out of business as of this summer, a mere two parks remain: Oaks Park in Portland and Enchanted Forest outside of Salem.
If it were left up to me I'd give top honors to the Big Timber Log Ride at Enchanted Forest. In a state full of bumper cars and Tilt-A-Whirls it's heads and shoulders above everything else. Plus, a name like that is a source of endless amusement for those of us that still laugh like drunk hyenas at fifth-grade level potty humor. Big Timber may not be worthy of a Disneyland "E-ticket" ride but it's at least on the level of Knott's Berry Farm. In a place like Oregon, being on the level of a southern California theme park ride ain't half bad.
From the observation deck Big Timber looks like a simple log-flume ride. You go up a hill, you go down a hill, you get wet. Hidden at the crest of that first hill though is a saw mill filled with animatronic lumberjacks that apparently think nothing of tourists riding through the middle of their workplace in hollowed out-logs.
Instead of one drop, there's three and that last one results in a two-story burst of water capable of destroying any number of camcorders, cameras and cell phones.
In short, getting on the Big Timber Log Ride is like paying someone $3 to toss a garbage bag full of water at your head but at least 35% more enjoyable. The gentleman pictured above made the mistake of sitting in the front seat of a log and spent the rest of an afternoon at Enchanted Forest walking around on a pair of Birkenstocks that felt like sponges.
Plus, the ride is apparently capable of making people with certain medical conditions go into cardiac arrest. If that isn't a good indicator of a quality amusement park attraction, what is?