April 2011

Another blog. About Portland. And other stuff too.

about | archives | twitter | flickr | potma | iphone snapshots | facebook | yelp
rss feed | youtube | links | the burning log


Questions? Comments? Reservations?
anotherportlandblog[at]gmail[dot]com

Another Portland Blog

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

 

At Wits End

[IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN PIRATES OF THE CARIBEAN: AT WORLD'S END, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T READ THIS. AVAST! THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD!]




Like most Americans, I saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie over the weekend. Maybe it was the cocktails I had beforehand but, about 20 minutes in, I could have used a magical compass and/or a flow chart to figure out what the hell was going on. There's enough characters, backstabbing, love triangles, subplots and random returns from the dead to fill a hundred Telemundo soap operas. After talking things over with others who have seen the movie, I still can't figure out...


  • ...how Davey Jones hooked up with Calypso in the first place. Where does a pirate captain bag a sea goddess? At ARRRby's? In ARRRgentina? At the bar at ARRnie's House ARRR Puns? And what did he ever see in her in the first place, if all she really is an intangible spirit or a small army of crabs?


  • ...where the, er, "magic rock crabs" came from and why they decided to haul Jack Sparrow's boat out of Davey Jone's locker.


  • ...how escaping from the afterlife is as simple as tipping over a boat.


  • ....why the producers decided to kill off the kraken. The kraken was at least 50% cooler than that Lord Beckett dork. Why couldn't the kraken have mysteriously returned from the dead in the movie? Everybody else did.


  • ...Jack's a pirate lord? Since when? Who voted for him? How could a guy that daft ever get elected to high offi....nevermind. Still, since when do pirates need a governing body and/or labor union? Aren't they more like independent contractors?


  • ...why Keith Richard's character shrunk his wife's head.


  • ...if the "Pieces of Eight" notify the pirate lords of times of trouble, how did they find out about genocide in the Caribbean if Beckett had them all sitting in his office? If they weren't the real Pieces of Eight, why did the fake ones vibrate?


  • ...is Davey Jones a monster, a pirate, a ghost, the Grim Reaper of the high seas and since when can he walk through prison bars?


  • ...has there always been a Davey Jones? Who had the gig before him? Since when is tearing out your own heart and sticking it in a box a job requirement? Wasn't that a decision Jones made on his own to piss off Calypso and completely unrelated to his duties as a...whatever he is?


  • ..whether that was Will Turner's kid that showed up after the credits or Jack's. Take note of the eye shadow. I'm thinking it was Jack's. After all, how could Turner expect Elizabeth stay celibate for ten years with Johnny Depp within arm's reach?




  • Worst. Big-budget. Undead. Pirate. Movie. Ever.

    Labels: , , ,


    Comments: Post a Comment

    Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



    Links to this post:

    Create a Link



    << Home


    SEARCH THIS BLOG? SURE, NO PROBLEMO, AS BART SIMPSON USED TO SAY....





    www.flickr.com




    -archives-

  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011

  • Clicky Web Analytics


    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?