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Another Portland Blog

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

 

Sandler vs. TMNT

I saw two movies over the weekend. One was terrible and it made me queasy. The other was mostly terrible but childhood nostalgia off-set any stomach ailments. Here a few reviews....

Reign Over Me: Why did I see this? Because I figured the outcome would go in one of two ways: I'd either be pleasantly surprised ala Punch Drunk Love or find the whole thing unintentionally hilarious, providing me with no less than five minutes of stuff to joke about the next time I head to a bar. Unfortunately, Adam Sandler's latest dramatic turn was terrible. Not "funny terrible" just "terrible terrible." We're talking about two hours of a miscast Sandler wandering around in a near catatonic trance while dressed up as Bob Dylan circa 1964. The only scene I deem worthy of bringing up over my next round of rum and cokes: Sandler's temper tantrum when his psychiatrist is caught lying about being a Bob Seger fan. A quote, not verbatim: "You're not a Seger fan. You'll never understand Seger. Seger was a true American original. You're nuthin'! NUTHIN'!"

TMNT: During my tenth birthday party, a group of friends and I tied socks to our elbows and knees and spent three hours chasing one another around the house with improvised weapons. Why? Too many hours spent in front of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which may as well have been cocaine circa 1977 for grade schoolers in the late '80s. I, playing the part of Donatello, used a yard stick as a bow staff. If memory serves, no one was seriously injured or killed but the family cat, Toughie, spent the following week hiding under a couch. Now the turtles are staging a 21st century comeback. This new incarnation is moodier and more mature than the late, great tv show but not quite as dark and creepy as their 1990 trip to the big screen (contributing factor: no voice-over work from Corey Feldman). With Shredder vanquished, the turtles team-up with Casey Jones and April O'Neil, who has dropped journalism to take up a career in antiquities and martial arts as a side project. Their foe: an immortal warlord bent on taking over the world with monster statues (or something like that). The ethos and angst are a nice touch but Michelangelo and Donatello get the shaft in a movie that's too short at 87 minutes. It's no Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie but it's no Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III either.

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