Recently I went hiking in Tryon Creek State Park for only the second time since I moved into the neighborhood nearby. While tromping around on one of the trails I encountered this sign posted by the Oregon Parks and Recreation Department.

The fine print offered plenty of context for the doodles doing "bad things" in the margins. But, much like many of the joggers, dog-walkers and teenagers looking for a quiet place to smoke cigarettes and/or pot that frequent Tryon, I wasn't going to take the time to read a 1,000 word tome on park regulations. Instead, using only the doodles, I drew my own conclusions. For example:

Apparently, the OPRD doesn't approve of country-western balladeers setting up shop in Tryon. Nevermind that there's no place to plug in an amp down there. Howling hound dogs? Also not kosher.

"Closed to the public"? So we're not even supposed to set foot in the park? What are you hiding in there, OPRD agents? Could it be...Kong? It's Kong, isn't it?

If you're going to head into the park with a box of records hanging around your neck, you'd best keep an eye out for rangers. Bears go after picnic baskets but the rangers prefer vinyl. My guess is that if you walk into Tryon with a copy of Cheap Trick's Heaven Tonight, you're not going to walk out of there with it. Also: Tryon has rangers?

This one is pretty straight-forward but check out the sign in the background. How does someone go about "mutilating" a Port-A-Pottie?

If you're going to bring along a gun, please refrain from randomly shooting it behind any senior citizen couples trying to camp out here illegally.

I guess the sign is working. I didn't see anyone cutting loose with handguns, stealing records or impersonating Hank Williams while I was in the park. No hound dogs either. If the OPRD wants to add another doodle to the list they might want to consider banning horses. Sure, I should have paid more attention to the sign clearly marking the equine trail but that's not going to scrap the poo off my hiking boots, now is it?