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Another Portland Blog

Saturday, July 01, 2006

 

So this is Independence Day and what have you done?

Another month over
And a new one just begun

[scanning ahead here...]

War is over, if we can impeach the man in the White House
except not, we're never going to get out of Iraq....

A very merry 4th of July
And a happy...are there any other holidays in July?
Let's hope it's a good one
uh, etc.

Hey, did you hear about the US troops that allegedly slaughtered an Iraqi family after raping and killing their daughter? And that they also set her body on fire? Makes you proud to be an American, don't it?

As you can probably tell, I'm not really in the mood to celebrate our nation's 230th birthday, even those it's my favorite holiday of the year. Every time it seems like our image abroad can't get any worse, another bit of news like this emerges. Those out there that still support this war effort can't even break out the old, reliable "they're protecting our freedom" line. The Bush administration is working hard to get rid of all those pesky civil liberties along with the freedom of the press, aren't they? Hi, NSA. I really hope you enjoyed that lengthy call I made to my cell phone provider to argue about my bill the other night. I hear you're monitoring domestic calls too now.

And what's Congress doing these days? Oh, yeah. Working hard on amendments to ban flag desecration when they're not bemoaning video games or pasing resolutions condemning the media. This is the same branch of government that got its tightie-whites in a bunch over Nixon's low-level shenanigans and Clinton's indiscretions but can't seem to muster up the courage to goaftertheworstpresidentinUShist....

...sheesh, I need to calm down. Take a deep breath. I sure am being a Grumpy Gus, aren't I? I think I know what I need to get into the holiday spirit. A nice, tall, cool can of...












....Ol' Glory, AKA "America's Best Energy Drink." Also stamped on the side of my can were the words "Keeping Americans STRONG." Let me crack this puppy open and take a sip....

....ahhhhhh, refreshing! What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah, the 4th of July. I'll be leaving town here shortly to spend the holiday in a place that has effectively banned fireworks, even those little cardboard chicken ones that spit out flaming eggs. I'll be back next week with another round of more of the same.

If you would like to buy your very own can of Ol' Glory, they're on sale at the Garden Home Thriftway. There should be a big display filled with them near the deli section.




Finally, here's a surreal photo of a coconut pirate trying to seduce one of the most misguided fireworks I've ever seen. I'm sure this will the strangest photo you see all day. If you're in the mood for more like it, click here or here.

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