I fled to the beach on Saturday. I was listening to the Jackson 5 and watching the sun slip into the Pacific when, out of nowhere, a tiny, white dog appeared, slobbering all over the place and apparently feeling pretty randy. Without asking my or my beach blanket's permission, he immediately began humping it. Thirty yards away, a woman rushed to the scene.

So this is what it's like to go from a pleasant daze to abject horror in three seconds flat. When the woman ran up, without skipping a beat, she said....

"BUT MURPHY, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!"

Murphy, perhaps realizing his bad form, stopped sexually assaulting my property and darted happily off down the beach. The woman apologized and reunited with her husband, continuing their reenactment of those "Moment Like This" resort ads.

And the song on that was playing on my iPod during all this?

"The Love You Save."