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Another Portland Blog

Friday, June 09, 2006

 

Slurpee-xperiment




Being the consumer whore that I am, I rushed out and bought a Superman Slurpee yesterday. The 7-11 I hit only had one of the two Man of Steel flavors available and it was Kryptonite Ice (AKA Mountain Dew, Slurpee-style).

All in all, not too terribly exciting but what should I have expected for $1.99? Then a reader chimed in with a response to yesterday's Slurpee-related post:

So when can we expect the post about your efforts to mix these new slurpees with unusual/dangerously cheap liquor?


While I didn't have any "unusual" liquor lying around, I did have a bit of vodka. By this time the remaining, no-longer-super Slurpee had been reduced to slush. I broke out a shot glass and got to work.

But first, how to describe the taste of Mountain Dew? It's the Captain Crunch of soda. The taste of both is elusive. Mountain Dew is tart but it doesn't taste like the artificial lemon and lime flavors found in the likes of Sprite, Slice, Seven-Up and other sodas with names starting, coincidentally (?), with the letter "s." Maybe Mountain Dew is supposed to recall a flavor suggested by its name: dew that has gathered on the leaf of a majestic tree on an idyllic Rocky Mountain vista at the start of a clear spring morne with chipmunks, eagles and xtreme sports people bouncing around all over the place.

A single ounce was all it took to turn the fading Slurpee into a concoction worthy of a dusty shelf in a 19th century pharmacy. The vodka completely eradicated the Kryptonite Ice's sweet flavor, leaving what can be easily classified as "ickiness." What remained tasted like lemonade made with too much water, zero sugar and a single Starburst. The vodka hit later, leaving an aftertaste no doubt similar to a bag of abandoned Ricola Cough Drops that have been sitting in a storm drain all winter.

In short, it was a waste of a perfectly mediocre and melted Slurpee (and don't forget the shot of vodka). Maybe I should have tried Bacardi instead.

And now here's a video of a kitten getting into a fight with a laptop. And here's a video of a cat getting into a fight with the kitten fighting with a laptop. Minboggling, 'tis.

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