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Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The ultimate smackdown?
Last week I posted a poll urging readers to vote on how I should dispose of my worn-out 1984 Toyota van. One idea, ditching it on SE Hawthorne with a "free to loving home" sign, came out on top with 30% of the vote. "Drive it onto the steps of City Hall and let them deal with it" was the runner-up with 11%.
But both of these impractical proposals, along with most of the others on the list, would inevitably result in legal headaches along with hundreds of dollars in fines. Cup o' Noodles wrote in to suggest that I instead donate the van to a local demolition derby or feed it to Truckasaurus. I ran a Google search for derbies in Oregon. The only lead I have is an annual crash n' smash fest at the Oregon State Fair. Unfortunately, their website doesn't offer any information for vehicle donations or would-be drivers (I do own a crash helmet with racing stripes on the side). If anyone out there can offer any information on local derbies, I'd be much obliged.
Reader "Rip Tatermen" also passed along a link to the website of Robosaurus, "the world's largest Transformer." Apparently, Robosaurus can be hired to munch on unwanted vehicles at sporting events and monster truck rallies. While his metallic arms are capable of lifting 4,000 pounds and his fireballs could easily make molten mincemeat out of the van, I imagine Robosaurus' fee for personal appearances runs upwards of $10K. The big lug would be perfect for a BBQ two friends of mine are planning out in the country a few weekends from now. Although, I'm sure Robosaurus is a busy Transformer and could never make it out there in time. Plus, I don't have that kind of scratch.
Undaunted, I sent an email to Robosaurus' show director earlier today and I've already received a response. There's a slim possibility they may accept the van for destruction at an event, should he make it out to the Northwest in the future. You'll be the first to know if this all works out.
It starting to look like I'll be donating the van to Goodwill in order to land a tax write-off. Practicality, as it usual does, is beginning to rear its sensible head. There's no telling when I'll get around to that though. The van could become a permanent landmark on my street, or at least until the neighbors start complaining.