During a recent press conference, President Bush condemmed the release of "Nuestro Himno," a Spanish-language version of the "Star Spangled Banner" performed by Latino artists and...Wyclef Jean for some reason.

No, really, why is he on there? Anyone know? I'm in the dark here.

Anyway, the track has received serious flack from the anti- side of the immigration debate and just about every news outlet in the nation has covered the controversy over the past week.

But should boomboxes wielded during May Day protests here in Portland and around the country have been playing an espanol version of that song? While I'm in favor of just about any form of pop culture that gets on the president's nerves, I'm thinking that the minds behind "Nuestro Himno" should have picked a different song that brings a tear to the eye of every American, illegal or otherwise.

That's right, they should have gone with an all-Spanish version of The Dukes of Hazzard theme song.

Now before you dismiss this idea as the outlandish hogwash that it is, have a look at the original lyrics:

Just two good old boys, never meanin' no harm,
Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law,
Since the day they was born.

Straightenin' the curves, flattenin' the hills,
Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will.
Makin' their way, the only way they know how,
That's just a little bit more than the law will allow.

Just two good ol' boys, wouldn't change if they could,
Fightin' the system like two modern-day Robin Hoods.
YEEEEE-HA!

Just like many illegals, the Duke boys provided a service that few others are/were willing to for substandard wages. Many immigrants sludge through low-paying, menial work in order to build a better life for themselves and their families while ignoring federal law. The Dukes basically did the same thing. Did they want to spend the rest of their lives running from Sheriff Rosco with moonshine in the trunk of the General Lee? Hell no. They were trying to save up cash to take their car onto the racing circuit and, by season 3, their dream became a reality, thus paving the way for another pair of Dukes to haphazardly pursue their own version of the American Dream.

So without further ado, I present to you Waylon Jenning's classic theme song, remixed into Spanish with a few tweaks (ok, several tweaks) to make it more relevant to the cause. Since I'm a product of the American educational system, obviously my mastery of a second language like Spanish is shaky at best. I took five years of a foreign language in both high school and college and I can still barely manage to ask for directions to a bathroom. Nevertheless, here it is...

Los Duques de los Estados Unidos

Apenas un poco millon buenos muchachos y muchachas, nunca pensando dano,

Mejor que cualquier cosa que usted ha visto, en apuro con el policia,

Desde el dia cruzaron la Rio Grande.

Limpiando los jacuzzis de Americanos ricos gordos, escogiendo las fresas en calor de 100 grados,

Sus ninos pueden ser aceptados algun dia en escuela medica pero las autoridades? No,

Haciendo una vida decente, la unica manera saben,

Ese es mas que las policas de la inmigracion de Estados Unidos permitiran.

Apenas un poco millon buenos muchachos y muchachas, desesperado para cambiar si podrian,

Luchando el sistema, mientras que siendo explotado por corporaciones de los E.E.U.U. tenga gusto de Walmart, similiar a las Robin Hoods del moderno-dia,

ARRRIBA!

Or maybe the theme song from Mork and Mindy would make more sense?