Here's a round-up of Easter-related items on this Good Friday:

I lost The Portland Mercury's Easter Coloring Contest. Here's the entry that snagged the top prize and here's what I submitted. I may have stood a chance if I had used actual Crayons and ten times the amount of sacrilege. A depiction of the Easter Bunny getting attacked by jealous chickens doesn't stand a chance against one of a satanic rabbit cranking out eggs in a rancid back alley. Oh, and actual artistic talent may have helped. I got whipped, plain and simple.

So Stephen Colbert was right. There IS a War on Easter and the folks at Beyond Belief Media are the ones responsible. Click here for their blog and over here to get a look at their flyers for children. I'm a recovering Methodist/Born Again Christian* that typically approves of criticism of organized religion but they made even me cringe. I really hope the whole thing is a farce and that atheists aren't running around hiding these things like Easter eggs in churches.

Fun Welcome to Blog factoid: I was born on a Friday the 13th. As a youth, my mother always told me not to worry about it since the effects of this superstitious day were rendered null because I was also born on a "Good" Friday. Years later, I learned what the holiday is really all about. A double whammy? You be the judge.

I haven't heard or seen the phrase "Hop-py Easter" in many an Easter. This is a good thing.

Get a load of this:

I have no idea how long chocolate crosses have been on store shelves. I discovered them for the first time last Monday while hunting for Peeps at Fred Meyer (I prefer the traditional chicken ones to the newer, pink bunny kind). They had two different variations: a cheaper, smaller cross and the one I purchased, which is larger and comes with a stand so it can be used as a table centerpiece.

So now the obvious question: isn't eating the symbol of one's religion considered blasphemy? Sacrilege? Heresy? Insolence? Heretical doctrine? Something? Or, in this case, sacre-licious?

I haven't eaten it yet and, while it's officially sanctioned by Palmer Candy Co., I'm afraid doing so will result in a guaranteed, one-way ticket to hell. Or maybe the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, God, Jesus, the talking bush and possibly Jonah's whale will all show up on my doorstep to kick my ass. Not that I believe in any of that...

* FYI: In 1998 I attended a service at a church in Eugene and was "saved" by MC Hammer himself. This happened back in the days when he was touring the country as a preacher. My status as a Born Again Christian lasted all of 45 minutes.