Earworm:

A song that will stay in one's mind and will not leave no matter how much one will try. The most effective way to get rid of an earworm is to replace it with another.

-Definition from the Urban Dictionary.

For years the local wing of the Shane Compnay concluded each of their radio ads with a cloying rundown of their address and store hours. Many Portlanders I know who grew up here can still quote it verbatim. Recently, the diamond importer change their ads and replaced the age-old info barrage with a very annoying jingle. Their ads now end with a vocalist singing "he's dull but he's brrilllllllllllllliant! SHANE!"

It's only a few words long but it's like the old ads, the "Gilligan's Island" theme, Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and any given Franz Ferdinand song all rolled into one. The jingle has been stuck in my head since yesterday and I've tried washing it out with everything from my iPod's shuffle feature to the "Magnum PI" theme.

Nothing's working so now I'm attempting to fight fire with fire. The only thing that will rid my mind of that infernal radio jingle is another local jingle of equal or greater infernal-ness. Here's what I've tried so far, all to no avail:

Our hard to find locations will Save. You. Money. Mattress World. It's not late to sleep like a baby. Mattress World!

Wake up! Hey, wake up! That's Tom Peterson's and Gloria's Too!

Carpet Carl. Call 503-CARPETS.

Sleep Country USA! Why buy a matress an-eee-where else?

Check Into Chase. Ch-Ch-Ch-Check Into Cash.

Portland's reaaaaaaal classic rock. 92.3, KGON.

Buy more, spend less. Value Village! (this one's from way back)

You'll love the way ya' look, I guarantee it.

Curse you, Tom Shane. This is one local Portlander that won't be hitting your store anytime soon in search of diamonds imported directly from the source.