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Another Portland Blog

Monday, February 27, 2006

 

I am now officially a reality show reject (kind of)

Last week I launched a failed attempt at becoming a contestant on "Ultimate Blogger 2". Yesterday morning I learned that I'd managed to bet out thousands of applicants to land a spot among the top 20 finalists.

For the final stage of the selection process, the organizers asked me for a headshot and my strategy to win. The email was sent the day before but I didn't see it until an hour before the noon deadline on Sunday (!!!). The contest hadn't even begun but already the challenges were tough. I snapped a self portrait, scribbled a quick strategy and sent everything off.

Around 12:30, a half hour past the deadline, Google sent me the email back. Blast! In the middle of a second attempt, one of the organizers called to ask if I was already calling it quits. They accepted my excuse and said they'd still consider my late submission.

Then, last night while I was in the middle of doing my taxes, I opened up Gmail and discovered that I didn't make the final cut. I'm now officially a reality show reject or at least an internet reality show reject. No $1,000 in prizes for me. *sniff* Click here to see the 12 contestants that beat me and the 13th contestant that bought their way in via an eBay auction.




Honestly, I think it was the headshot that killed my chances. In a desperate attempt to make it interesting, I put on a "Karate Kid" bandana, a pair of Elvis shades and took the picture in front of a French flag. Instead of looking quirky and interesting, I better resembled a particularly bad performance artist trying to stage a one man performance of Ralph Macchio's cinematic classic through interpretive dance. It should also be noted that even under normal circumstances I look like the love child of Tim Roth and a donkey. I really should have put on a black hoodie and gone with a three day old beard and an ironic expression.

But I could have been the wacky, freak contestant. I could have been the Kramer to the rest of the contestants' Jerry, Elaine and George. A Gonzo to their rest of the Muppets. A [insert the name of a wacky, freak contestant from a popular reality show here] to their [insert the names of better adjusted contestants from a popular reality show here].

The contest would have lasted a month and there's no telling where it would have led. For the inevitable "do something stupid and blog about it" challenge, I planned to spend a night in haunted room at the Heathman Hotel or, if that was too expensive and another haunted hotel room couldn't be found in time, a night at a rundown motel on SE 82nd.

After all, isn't that what these things are all about? Putting yourself in grave personal danger? Oh, well There's probably still time to apply for the "Freaks and Geeks" edition of "Fear Factor" before the entire show gets cancelled.

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