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Thursday, February 09, 2006
FOUND: LOST CAR
Maybe I should have posted this on telephone poles around the neighborhood.
FOUND: LOST CAR.
YEAR: Late '80s, early '90s.
LICENSE PLATE NUMBER: Oregon, XJF 874.
CONDITION: One piece.
DETAILS: Sticker of a barking dog and hippie-ish natural landscape in the side window. Tassles and a toy chihuahua hanging from the rear view mirror.
LOCATION: My bushes.
THE LOCATION OF MY BUSHES: On a small, muddy hillside overlooking my house.
HOW LONG IT'S BEEN IN MY BUSHES: Since last Saturday or so.
HOW IT GOT THERE: That's what I would like to know.
WHERE IT MIGHT WIND UP IF THE OWNER DOESN'T RETRIEVE IT BEFORE THE NEXT HEAVY RAINFALL: My lawn, possibly my living room.
WHERE IT MIGHT WIND UP IF I EVER GET AROUND TO CALLING PPD: Most likely at a police auction.
HOW THE OWNER SHOULD CONTACT ME IF THE VEHICLE WAS STOLEN AND THEY SEE THIS: firstname.lastname@example.org
HOW THE OWNER SHOULD CONTACT ME IF THEY LIVE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, DRUNKINGLY DROVE IT INTO MY BUSHES LAST SATURDAY NIGHT AND CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO MOVE IT: Please don't. Just kindly drive it into your own bushes.
Let's see if this does the trick. The second the rains return the car is bound to roll down the hill. It may just be my eyes playing tricks but it's slid six inches since last Wednesday.