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Friday, September 30, 2005
Saving Private Kitty Lighter
On August 26th 2005 a lighter given to me as a gift was confiscated by authorities at the Portland International Airport. Unlike your typical throw-away Bic, this lighter was special. It was nearly one of a kind. It was covered in photos of adorable kittens.
The lighter wound up in a locker at a storage office near baggage claim. When I returned to town on Labor Day it was closed. I vowed to return but couldn't decide if it was worth the trek back. I left it up to "Welcome to Blog"'s readers to make the decision and they overwhelmingly voted "yes."
I didn't make it back to the airport until the 27th, over 24 hours after my receipt clearly stated the office would fling the lighter in the trash. Was it still there?
Did they toss it?
Is the kitten lighter now sitting in a landfill somewhere?
Have the gods of ridiculous Parisian souvenirs been forsaken?
The answer to most of these questions is...
THE KITTEN LIGHTER IS SAFE!
THEY DIDN'T THROW IT AWAY!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
I wanted to Photoshop the lighter into a field with cartoon animals frolicking around it but laziness prevailed. Here instead is a boring close-up of it sitting on a bookshelf.
Yup, this is what all the fuss was over.
So I drove all the way out to PDX on Tuesday morning, fought with the airport's annoying new parking computers and, worst of all, the lady behind the counter at the storage office made fun of me.
"Is this your kitty wid-der," she said in a tone usually reserved for drooling toddlers.
All I could do is blush in response, meekly take the lighter and slunk over to Panda Express. If there is ever a moment that would cause someone to rethink their life and engage in some serious soul-searching, this is probably it. To all sixteen of you that voted "yes" in the poll, I'd like thank you for this existential crisis.