You may have caught the TV ads Target ran last week for its "biggest sale of the year." It featured the likes of Darth Vader, Ice T, Heidi Klum, Cheech Marin and "Woman With Cat" all making wake-up calls to muster its legions of shoppers. Having never received a call from Vice Ruler of the Galaxy, I signed up for the time I usually rise on the weekends.

At 2 PM, sure enough, the phone rang. But instead of James Earl Jone's voice growling at me to get over to the nearest purveyor of $10 DVDs and walking Elmo dolls, I was rustled out of bed by some Imperial lackey.

"LORD VADER COMMANDS YOU TO GET OVER TO TARGET FOR IT'S MASSIVE TWO DAY SALE. A shuttle will be waiting for you in the parking lot."

Apparently, they couldn't get Jones to phone in a quick promo but I'm sure he received a few bucks in residuals. Vader's iconic breathing was in the background of the recording, making the call sound like a lewd corporate-sponsored crank. What, they couldn't get Hamill?

Worst. Holiday Promotion. Uh, you know the rest.