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Saturday, October 30, 2004



OK, time for some Halloween links.

- A few nights back I carved the albino pumpkin featured in the ongoing photo series. In the words of a wise man: "them thing's is WEIRD." The top was difficult to pry off and the insides didn't quite look the guts of your everyday jack-o-lantern. Instead of orange strings the interior was filled with dark orange glop that looked like pumpkin pie mix. It was difficult to clean and the edges were tinted green. I wonder what sort of plant the designers had to crossbreed with normal pumpkins to create this thing. This article offers a few details and, while I haven't seen them, apparently blue, purple and red ones are now available. Currently, the mind behind these diverse pumpkins are working on a pink breed they hope to have out by Halloween 2005.

- On the bright side, I used one of those design kits to carve the albino pumpkin and the pale pallor made it easy to poke holes in. I was trying to carve a cat standing in front of a full moon but wound up with what looks more like a constipated bear.

The master carvers at Revenge of the Zombie Pumpkins are much better at this sort of thing than me. The site offers pictures of jack-o-lanterns emblazoned with the likes of Shaun of the Dead, Slimer, Chewbacca and...Ned Flanders.

- The webmaster of X Entertainment has made an annual tradition out of devoting an enormous 45 days to countdown featuring photo-clogged odes to cheesy Halloween specials, green Twinkies and a Freddy Krueger rock album. If you venture out of the area devoted to the holiday, you could get lost on the site forever. XE is a mega warehouse clogged with roughly five billion articles devoted to pop cultural artifacts. If you were born between 1974 and 1985, prepare to waste several hours of your valuable time.

- Return of the Jedi-era Star Wars masks? You can find them here.

- I really wish I had none about this place's existence about two weeks ago. Baron Von Goolo's Museum of Horrors is one of the four haunted houses at the yearly Scream at the Beach in Jantzen Beach. This year's museum features a haunted tiki room and a hallway filled with portraits of people in fezzes. Kooky.

- Vintage Halloween cards? Here. A huge archive devoted to costumes from the '70s and '80s? Here. The weird one featured above is apparently for kids that wanted to dress up as asteroids from the video game of the same name. Both links lead to pages on Retro Crush.

- Cary Sharp, a lawyer from Baton Rouge spent $37,000 to have his name permanently added to Disneyland's Haunted Mansion. It will be featured on a tombstone near the ghostly band and includes the epithet: "Jay- Doctor, Lawyer, Legal Clerk. Always Buried In His Work." For pictures from the rolling-out ceremony, held at the stroke of midnight last Thursday, click here.

- And finally, the most ghoulish link of them all. Really, you don't want to read this. If you do, you'll lose sleep. Lots of it.

OK, you've been warned.

The Nader campaign has rolled out a DVD of the presidential candidate arguing with Kerry and Bush dolls in a "virtual debate." The cringe-enducing description from his site:

"Using the actual questions from the Presidential debates, Ralph discusses his plans for pulling our troops out of Iraq, solutions for the energy crisis, helping the environment, using tax dollars sensibly, and giving all Americans a living wage. This DVD is a great way to introduce young people to real political issues."

If you're not already hiding under a pile of blankets, be sure to watch the two trailers, featured in Quicktime and Windows Media Player. In one, Ralph argues with a Bush doll dressed in military fatigues carrying a blood-covered tank. Again, he argues with a Bush doll dressed in military fatigues carrying a blood-covered tank. Somehow, against all logic and reason, This Isn't A Joke.

For years I've argued against the old cliche that reality is weirder than fiction. I will never do that again. Ever.

Bin Laden is alive and well on TV, the president used a wire in the debates, it's Devil's Night and Election Day is only a few days away. Bush is (probably) 72 hours away from another term in office. I can't be the only one out there that feels like the whole world is coming to an end.

PS: What, you can't possibly want more Halloween links. Fine, here's a link to the links from last year.

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