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Another Portland Blog

Thursday, September 30, 2004

 

So, uh, like, who won?

So did the zombie or the chimp come out on top? As Armed Prophet points out, who can tell? It may take a few days of sifting through the rubble to know for sure. After flipping through all the news channels though, the winner, for the time being at least, seems to be Kerry. Of course, both sides were laying claim to victory before the candidates even took the stage. Anyway, a quick run down on all the "important stuff":

BEST REACTION SHOTS: Bush, by far. In those 90 minutes he ran through a plethora of emotions: bewildered, angry, disdainful, smug, a deer in headlights, near tears, total drama queen, etc. Kerry, on the other hand, kept his eyes on the podium and seemed to scribble on a notepad while he wasn't speaking.

BEST EFFORT TO TUG AT THE HEART STRINGS OF AMERICA: Bush fighting back tears as he ran through an anecdote about praying with the wife of a fallen soldier.

BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT: Kerry, when asked how Bush has botched the war in Iraq: "Where do you want me to begin?"

WORST FLUB: Oh so obvious: Bush's "Of course we're after Hussein, er, Osama." This one is going to be run ad nauseum in the coming weeks. It's as good as the "he voted for the war before he voted against it" line that has been thrown, over and over again, at Kerry for months now. There's no reason why the Democratic campaign can't make good use of it.

BEST BITCH-SLAP: For Bush: his rigorous slamming of Kerry's alleged "wrong war, wrong place, wrong time" stance on Iraq and "mixed messages." For Kerry, North Korea. Bush had nothing he could throw at that but wishy-washy assumptions and, well, complete bullshit.

WEIRDEST ANALOGY: Kerry's Pottery Barn analogy of Iraq. Huh?

BEST EFFORT TO GET LEHER'S ATTENTION: For Kerry, the raised finger, as if he was hailing a cab. For Bush, the "Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!"

BEST IMPERSONATION OF AN OVERSTIMULATED CHIMP: C'mon.

BEST IMPERSONATION OF AN EXTRA IN SHAUN OF THE DEAD: C'mon.

If anyone won "the whatever," it was Kerry. Despite Bush's best efforts to make him look like a, *ahem*, pussy, Kerry fought back, clearly outlining his stance on Iraq, and why he "flip-flopped" while drawing attention to Bush's lack of attention devoted to nuclear proliferation in North Korea. Even the media will probably/eventually/hopefully toss him this bone. Kerry ran circles around Bush but were all those swing voters paying attention?

Whew! Thus we have reached the conclusion of Welcome to Blog's coverage of "the whatever." OK, so I've got a pint of Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale ("Brewed in Yorkshire, tempered over burning witches") in front of me and a copy of that new Star Wars documentary. Enough with 'ze politics, it's time for time for geeky self-indulgence.

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