It's late and I apologize in advance. Tonight's highlights from the RNC are replaying on a TV in the background. Governor Schwarzenegger is praising the president's "unflinching leadership." Thousands of people in suits are cheering and waving "Arnold" signs.

Think about those words: "Governor Schwarzenegger." Five years ago, the mere concept would have been ludicrous. In the year 2004, such a thing is boring, drab, everyday...even bland. Even stranger, he wasn't kicked out of office in five minutes flat. Many wonks are even praising his leadership.

Jesus Christ, what a difference a few years make.

He's going to win- that C-averaging, Vietnam dodging, former cokehead. You can throw anything you want at Bush Jr's administration: allegations of energy scandals, a misguided, foolish military effort in the Middle East with $100 billion and climbing price tag. Incompetence, corruption, prison torture, complete and utter disdain for the American people. His efforts to ban stem cell research and outlaw abortion, foolhardy moon missions, tax cuts for the rich, smug hints about privatizing social security- they all slide right off him. He looks like a monkey, speaks about as well as one, can't even eat pretzels but nothing sticks. George Walker Bush is ten feet tall and bulletproof as the old saying goes. Whatever negative things you toss at him, it bounces off and clings to you forever. He could pull his face off, revealing an V-style reptilian face, down a hamster on live television and he'd still be ahead in the polls.

Imagine if an organization like the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth were launching attack ads at Bush. Would anyone besides the "liberal" media care? The man was caught flip-flopping in the past few days, an accusation constantly launched at his opponent. Will anyone remember in a week? Now Nader's name is being added to ballots around the country and Kerry is dropping in the polls. Can this country really handle four more years of this? After another 48 months of GW, will there be anything left worth protecting from all those terrorist cells and WMDs?

Cheesy Orwell and Oz analogies spring to mind, words and phrases like "tyranny," "we've always been at war against Oceania" and "nevermind that man behind the curtain." Is the president a proxy for private interests? Does he even know what he's doing? Should I go and grab a "Bushit" button and start knocking on doors?

I agree with that first statement from a few days back, Mr. Bush: the war on terror cannot be won. Perfect. It's a whole different kind of conflict for a brand new age, never ending and vague. You can conquer a country but can't conquer a noun. This thing could go longer than the 100 Year War and the battle between the Autobots and the Decepticons. On the west coast, new terror alerts are fodder for mocking, yet another thing for John Stewart to sink his teeth into. Besides here and the Comedy Central's studios I imagine it's a whole different ballgame. And this is why Bush will win in November.

Fear.

It's as simple as that. Lame? Michael Moore-esque embellishment? Late night rambling brought on by too much MSNBC? Everyone I've talked to that's voting for him, ranging in ages from 20 to 77, it's the first thing out their mouths. Despite everything GW has done and is planning to do: "I don't think John Kerry will protect our country."

When all those little old ladies and parents with small children and voters turned off by the fact that John F. Kerry looks like a zombie march into a voting booth or send off their ballots, do honestly think they'll checkmark J-F-K instead of G-W-B? Show Americans a boogy-man and they'll do your bidding. Iraq 2.0 was bad but it wasn't nearly bad enough. Nixon won in a landslide in '72, when the streets were filled with screaming hippies and thousands were heading home in body bags.

The British, federal fees on our tea, the Germans, the Japanese, the Cubans, the Red Chinese, communism, fascism, socialism, anarchism and everything else I'm forgetting; terrorism is a nice little amalgamation of them all. Scary, without any real ties to a government on Earth. In caves, in the desert, in the backseat kicking the elbow rest- everywhere, more all-seeing and all-knowing than the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and God combined. Yet I still I ponder why Arnie is sitting in a mansion in Sacramento right now.

Look at that dress. They're all partying like it's 1949. On the TV now Laura Bush, this blog's namesake, is smiling so sweetly behind a podium, telling us everything is going to be a-ok if we vote for her husband, a leader of the free world that doesn't even read newspapers. Elizabeth Dole is on CNN, doing the same and telling us all that Americans want to roll the clock back fifty years to when women didn't have the right to choose and gays didn't color-coordinate, let alone speak up for themselves. Maybe even further along in the Wayback Machine. To hell with that rotten old bat, smiling like a grandmother as 18th century Puritan-brand hate drips from her teeth.

If you can honestly support George W. Bush without doubt, without even the slightest drop of criticism, give me whatever you're having.

No, wait. Don't.

"Cheney Due to Lash Into Kerry in Speech"

"First Lady promotes her husband as a warrior"

"To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: 'Don't be economic girlie men.'"

"It's great to be here," said Barbara. "We love Arnold. Isn't he awesome?"

"Looking over at their grandmother, Jenna had a joke at her expense: 'She thinks Sex and the City is something married people do but never talk about.'"

It's all enough to make a freedom loving American want to get as far away from America as possible.

I've had my fill of US politics and a nation of citizens that want to believe so badly in a leader like GW. I've got to get out of this country, at least until this godforsaken convention is over. That does it, I'm leaving.

But where to go? Hmmmmm....cold fish, clogged subways, Blade Runner streets with no names, an indecipherable language with a thousand characters, an outdated monarchy and incredibly rigid social norms all look like a blast in comparison to this.

Fuck it, I'm going to Tokyo.

Oh, wait, the banned Xmas episode of Futurama is on in 10 minutes. I'll go later. Oh, yeah, since I'm fleeing to the other side of the planet shortly, I won't be able to stick around until noon tomorrow. The Temple of Doom picture is way ahead in the poll. I'm calling this one early. It wins.