Hmmm...I've been gone for two weeks. What should I post first? I know, a review of the incredibly offensive Gozu!

If you haven't heard of Takashi Miike, best known stateside for the cringe inducing "Audition," you must not be a fan of obscure overseas exploitation flicks. Commonly referred to on geek movie websites as "the hardest working man in the film industry," the director regularly cranks out no less than three movies a year. When compared to his American equivalents, David Lynch and Cronenberg he makes them look like loafers. Lynch's last film, Mulholland Drive, was released almost two years ago. In that same period of time, Miike has released eight feature films.

Miike's work runs the gamut, ranging from outright horror films to comedies to Yakuza crime dramas. In the case of Gozu, which just finished a one-week run at the Clinton Street Cinema, all three of these genres are thrown together.

Minami is your average, everyday low-level mobster. When his mentor, Ozaki, kills a Chihuahua in a fit of delusional rage, their crime boss deems him a threat and orders him put to death. Minami is left with the task and drives him out to a remote location dubbed "The Dump." Before they make it there, Ozaki mysteriously dies en route and his corpse disappears when Minami stops at a diner to make a phone call.

From here, the film delves into the darkest corners of Lynch territory as Minami finds himself trapped in a small town populated by lactating innkeepers, old men obsessed with the weather and a drooling cow demon dressed in tighty-whities.

Miike's films are usually endurance tests. This is my fourth to date and, much like the others, it's a seemingly normal film until it suddenly and abruptly veers off course. Halfway into a screening of Audition at the Cinemas 21 a few years back, I remember half the audience walking out. The film was an innocent romantic drama until a key scene sent everyone scrambling for the exits. Much like that film, Gozu is a standard crime drama until a pivotal moment in a hotel room.

Gozu's reputation steams from the final, gag-inducing ten minutes. I won't give away what happens here but it would even make Todd Solondz wince and (probably) outdoes anything John Waters has put on screen.

Wait, why shouldn't I give away the ending? Gozu is obscure and no one reading this will be able to track it down. Are you in the mood to feel your stomach churn? Then just highlight the text below but don't say I didn't warn you.

After Minami suffers through a dream sequence involving the cow demon and repeatedly turns down the advances of the elderly innkeeper, she mentions her brother is able to speak to the dead. In a darkly comic scene, she beats the brother with a bamboo cane while he pleads for her stop. The ceremony works and Ozaki comes back to life as a young woman. Minami is skeptical but she breaks out a series of personal anecdotes, including the time Ozaki gave him a pair of crotchless panties as a birthday gift. Together, they track down the crime boss and she seduces him. He has a fetish for metal ladles and, before they can kill him, he slips and impales himself on it.

With vengeance out of the way, she turns her attention to Minami. They hop in bed together and he suddenly finds himself "stuck." He struggles to escape and even drags her across the room but he's hopelessly caught in her grip. In a sequence that had everyone in the audience covering their eyes, a hand suddenly pops out between her legs. It finally lets go and she suddenly gives birth to a full-grown man. It's Ozaki. The film's final line:

"We put the girl in a bath and she was fine."

Cut to a shot of the three of them laughing and walking to a cafe. In a 600-level film class somewhere in Osaka, students are no doubt going over the subtext of all this craziness.

For everyone that says that it's all been done, there's always Miike.