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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
A whole new taste sensation?
Of all the beers in all the world, I'm wiling to guess that Corona receives the most flack. It's watery, it's imported from a certain country below the Rio Grande and it's expensive. "Mexican piss water" is an oft-employed metaphor thrown out by drinkers that prefer their beer as thick as soup.
As someone who likes his beverages refreshing and as a beer consumer that would sooner eat a meal than drink Guinness, which is even thicker than one of those Jamba Juice things, I think they've got it all wrong. Granted, a Corona, by itself, is lighter and blander than air but with something like a lemon added it's pure bliss.
Corona is a beer pallet just waiting to be explored. While most will toss a lemon wedge down the neck of a bottle and call it a day, for me, that won't do. I'm as a bird, man, and, when it comes to adult beverages, this bird you cannot change, woohohohoh.
A few years ago, I experimented with and a Corona and bidi cigarette. Remember bidis? In the late '90s probably every news organization in the country ran a story on how they would corrupt the nation's youth and lure 95% of America's youth into the dark realm of daily tobacco use. Now, a few years later, you can only find them in specialty smoke shops. Go figure. I may be the only one in the states still smoking these things. What can I say, while they're difficult to keep lit, bidis taste great and they freak out the neighbors.
So, on a faithful evening during a trip to Oregon coast, I was suddenly inspired while sitting on the edge of Neakhanie Mountain, gazing at a very neat sunset. I took my wild cherry-flavored bidi, took a deep drag, blew the smoke in a half-filled Corona. The smoke hung in the bottle and the fading sunlit gave the bottle a mystical aura. I quickly drank the aura down, filling my soul with frothy, happy sunshine*. Wa-la! A brand new taste sensation: smoking and drinking at the same time. I should have patented the concept on the spot.
I've tried normal cigarettes but the mix tastes like a rusty tailpipe. Corona-smoking, for lack of a better term, is best with a bidi. Grab a pack of bidis, a six pack of Corona and a sunset and try it out sometime. You may be pleasantly surprised. If not, go back to your lame-o Budweiser, lame-o.
Despite this landmark achievement in beer drinking, I'm committed to finding new Corona avenues to explore. Currently, I'm trying to crossbreed the brand with Captain Crunch. If I can get the recipe just right I could start a fad and become the George Washington Carver of the Mexican beer world.
* Is this earnest? With a line like "frothy, happy sunshine"? Come on, give me some credit. I'd say this post is only 20-35% earnest.