Simpsons. Kerry looks like a zombie. Bush looks like a monkey. Get it? Aw, forget it.

From IMDB's bio on John Kerry:

9th cousin twice removed of George W. Bush, his rival in the 2004 election. Both are descended from Edmund Reade (1563-1623).

Well, it's news to me. It's probably for the best that they're not "kissin' cousins." Anyway, where are the conspiracy theories regarding this link? I'm sure there's a million of them out there. The two of them were also in Skull and Bones, the secret Yale organization that seems to have replaced Area 51 as the cornerstone of all US political conspiracies.

This link leads to a 60 Minutes interview with Ron Rosenbaum, a columnist from The New York Observer obsessed with the organization. The entire thing is well worth reading but here are the highlights:

"Prescott Bush, George W's grandfather, and a band of Bonesmen, robbed the grave of Geronimo, took the skull and some personal relics of the Apache chief and brought them back to the tomb," says Robbins. "There is still a glass case, Bonesmen tell me, within the tomb that displays a skull that they all refer to as Geronimo."

Robbins says the cast of the initiation ritual is right out of Harry Potter meets Dracula: "There is a devil, a Don Quixote and a Pope who has one foot sheathed in a white monogrammed slipper resting on a stone skull. The initiates are led into the room one at a time. And once an initiate is inside, the Bonesmen shriek at him. Finally, the Bonesman is shoved to his knees in front of Don Quixote as the shrieking crowd falls silent. And Don Quixote lifts his sword and taps the Bonesman on his left shoulder and says, 'By order of our order, I dub thee knight of Euloga.'"

"They're supposed to recount their entire sexual histories in sort of a dim, a dimly-lit cozy room. The other 14 members are sitting on plush couches, and the lights are dimmed," says Robbins. "And there's a fire roaring. And the, this activity is supposed to last anywhere from between one to three hours."

Y-i-k-e-s. And Bush was a cheerleader (see above). But you already knew that, right?