Number of 40-ounce LiveWire Slurpee's consumed during move: 3

Number of broken dishes: 4

Number of large boxes full of wires and assorted junk spilled in the middle of the street: 1

Number of obscenities screamed after said box broke open: 45

Number of trips up and down a flight of rickety wooden stairs during move: 122

Number of Karate Kid-style bandanas worn during move: 1

Number of near car accidents involving Asian motorists while wearing said Karate Kid-style bandana in a 7-11 parking lot: 1

Number of large spaghetti sauce stains in the carpet at the old place that will destroy all chances of the cleaning deposit being returned: 1

Number of carpenter ants found swimming in the toilet during my final night at the old place: 2

Number of days until the ants completely destroy that rhamshackle: 25

Number of nights my calculator spent in the driveway: 2

Number of items that will be found missing or broken as I unpack: 50