Apparently, I'm trying to break into Hollywood. I went to a cattle casting call for Gus Van Sant's new movie a few weeks ago. Since I'm such a glutton for punishment, I've gone and entered Project Greenlight 3.

If you aren't familiar, PG is a screenwriting contest originally spearheaded by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon back in 2000. Participants send in full-length film scripts. After the initital deadline, everyone is required to review the work of three other contestants in a two week-long melee of snotty comments and burst delusions of grandeur. Those that survive and manage to receive the highest kudos are eventually whittled down to a final ten. Their respective authors then go on to participate in an HBO series. The final, battle-scared winner is handed a million dollar budget for their film project.

I didn't make it past the first round when I entered in 2000. The script I submitted would have necessitated a budget of $300 billion dollars, which automatically sabotaged its chances and...yeah, it sucked. I received three favorable and a horribly vicious critique that haunts my nightmares. Guess which of these I can quote verbatim?

I reviewed four scripts. I remember two of them. One was a sci-fi/fantasy film that would have cost more to make then my script. The other centered around the great x 23 grandson of Jesus Christ and his efforts to take down an evil televangelists. I think that one may have finally been made by Troma.

This time around, I dug out a script that could easily be made for under a million. Last year's contest wisely split the process into two, separating wannabe-screenwriters from wannabe-directors. If I manage to track down a dozen genies between now and then, my chances will be reduced from 1 in 521,000,000,000 to...1 in 520,999,999,999. My fingers are crossed.