There are three certainties on this early Christmas morn:

1. Little Baby Jesus is totally kickass. He died for our sins, gained four times his body weight and came back to life as Santa Claus. Now every Christmas Eve he flies around the world on a surfboard led by Superman, Supergirl, Robin, The Flash, Wonder Woman and Rudolph Giuliani while littering the world with presents.

2. Die Hard is the greatest holiday film of all time....second only to Gremlins.

3. If you drink, don't build gingerbread houses. If you build gingerbread houses, don't drink.

A MERRY KWANZAA TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD BOXING DAY!!

[Lighter snaps open] "Come out to the coast. We'll have a few laughs. Ugh." [Lighter snaps shut]