Jack "pale as Santa's facial hair" White was charged for assault earlier today. His crime? Totally bitch slapping Jason Stollsteimer, the lead singer of a band called the Von Bondies.

The star of Cold Mountain (fine, it's just a cameo) hit Stollsteimer seven times in the face after the two squabbled over a producer's credit on the Von Bondies last album. Stollsteimer was later treated for a swollen eye and a bloody nose at a nearby hospital. White faces a year in prison, if convicted. As of yet, Y Que has not released a "Free Jack White" t-shirt.

Also today: there was an earthquake somewhere.