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Friday, December 26, 2003

 

Analysis of a manger scene




Time dulls the nitty-gritty realities of famous events. What runs through people's heads as they make history? What's that line from Lord of the Rings? "History becomes legend, legend becomes myth"...something like that.

Anyway, I was at the Grotto a few nights back and thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be wacky if I took a picture of this manger scene and added tired, sarcastic remarks for a Blog post?" Well, here we are. What was going through the minds of Little Baby Jesus and the gang on that faithful night a few epochs back?




SOME GUY

"I don't care who he is, he ain't gettin' my fruit.




JOSEPH

"'Blonde hair...blue eyes. Hmmmm, the Normans won't make it down here for another thousand years or more.
Maybe she was telling the truth. 'Im-mac-u-late conception' -who knew?"




MARY

"'*giggle* He totally fell for it."




DONKEY

"That son of a bitch of an inn keeper. God forbid he offer these people a spot on his cot. 'Oh, you're waters just broke? Let's get you all set up out in the DONKEY's pad.' Kings and angels are going to be stomping through here all night. I'm not going to get a single wink of sleep and what am I going to be able to show for it? Afterbirth. What a bunch of jackasses."




MAMA SHEEP

"What's that smell? Good Lord, humans have moved in. Here COMES the neighborhood."



BABY SHEEP

"Can I eat him? Pretty please?"




LITTLE BABY JESUS

"I'm the son of God and this is the best these cock-a-roaches can do? Whatsa a living deity gotta do to get a gold plated crib and a few sacrificial virgins? With parents like this I'll probably grow up to be a carpenta' or somethin'. Who do I trust? ME that's who. All I got in this world is MY balls, MY word and MY ability to walk across water. I don't break 'em for nobody. When I grow up and learn the whole water-into-wine thing, this world's gonna be MINE."

You say sacrilegious, I say sacri-licious!

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