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Monday, December 22, 2003
You should not perform "Papa Don't Preach" at the karaoke bar...
....even if you have a vagina.
...even if someone else pays for it.
...even if the crowd has cheered other unconventional performances.
...even if you sing it with a deep, masculine growl.
...even if you can get through the "I was always your little girl" line without laughing.
...even if you can blame alcohol.
You should NEVER EVER perform "Papa Don't Preach" at the karaoke bar if...
...you have a penis.
...are wearing a Transformers t-shirt with a scarf.
...the karaoke MC tries to drop a subtle hint by putting on "Live to Tell" instead.
...if the MC argues with you when you demand "Papa Don't Preach" instead.
No will get the joke. With the exception of the really drunk chicks, no one will clap. No one will admire the level of commitment required for the performance. The world just isn't ready for this sort of unorthodox karoke-ing. Just don't bother.