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Another Portland Blog

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

 

Robot hookers! Talkin' 'bout robot hookers!

Yesterday, Flog posted this link about Portland's new, improved John School. The program, which helps rehabilitate men caught paying for sex, was revised after a two year run to make it shorter and less confrontational. Offenders pay $82.50 to attend the course in order to drop their community service requirement to 16 hours from the standard 24.

Flog suggests that they can the course and give johns advice on how to increase their sex appeal. Forget that! "The City that Works" is sitting on a potential goldmine. Why charge a mere $82.50 for a course that will do little in the way of quenching these men's appetites? All those unmailed alimony checks will continue to flow into the pockets of "abusive pimps." This is lost revenue!

State and local government have no moral qualms about exploiting their most desperate citizens through other means. Video poker machines, which debuted in 1991, pull in millions of dollars every year.

It's no secret that Portland is hurting for cash. Why not put these girls on city payroll? The dollars taxed on each orgasm could help fund schools and lead to the purchase of any number of local utility companies. If legalized prostitution can work in an apocolyptic wasteland like Nevada, why couldn't it work in Oregon?

Now many would argue that even government-approved pimpin' still exploits women. Here's a simple solution: robot hookers! Machines are exploited every single second in this country and no one cares. State-sanctioned, self-cleaning BJ machines could be added to every corner in every tavern in Oregon. They could bring whole new meaning to the term "video poker" while "sucking" (there's no end to the potential double-entendres!)
dollars from the masses.

Do you guys really want a shiny new MLB stadium? The road to it is paved in semen stains.

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