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Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Post #1: TRIPLE POST WEDNESDAY!!!
Blog will be leaving tomorrow for the moldy pastures of Seattle, Washington where he will spending the holiday weekend chugging turkey-flavored soda while searching for the ghost of Kurt Cobain. What does this mean? No more posts until Monday. "But wait," you cry. "This isn't fair! You're cheating out of two days of Blog-gy goodness!" Worry not, dear friends for, in honor of the most gluttonous of all holidays, Thanksgiving, Blog has declared today TRIPLE POST WEDNESDAY!!!
Let's do the math. On an average weekday, Blog posts three times. 3 posts x 3 days (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday) = hmmmm...carry the 1...divide by the square root of 10541.67....and that equals 11! Yes, today Blog will commit himself to posting an astounding, amazing, record breaking, earth-shattering 11 times BY the end of his workday!!
Can Blog do it? Is he up to the challenge? If he is to succeed, he will have to overcome sleep deprivation, inquisitive supervisors, a nagging obligation to actually work while on the clock, the burn of fluorescent lighting, the pull of Ain't It Cool News and the pleas of his middle-aged coworkers to help them use Google to search for Jello recipes. Will Blog triumph over adversity and achieve true Blogger greatness or fail miserably?
The time is now 11:26 PST. Blog's shift ends at 18:00 PST. 6.5 hours remain. The clock is ticking.
But is this enough of challenge? To make things even more exciting and intense, Blog will force himself to use the word "dick" in each post and not out of context either!!! Why "dick," you ask? Well...uh...in honor of Thanksgiving, of course! The pilgrims were huge dicks! They were anal-retentive zealots, dressed like anal retentive zealots and conned their indigenous pals into giving them a free meal and survival tips before filling them full of smallpox. DICK Nixon might disagree with this interpretation of American history but, well, he's dead so who cares what he thinks?
Now, like any good-hearted American on Thanksgiving you can gorge yourself on all eleven posts in a single sitting or spread them out on the next few days. The choice is yours and yours alone. Think about it for a few minutes while Blog contemplates the next post while chugging his third Red Bull of the day.