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Another Portland Blog

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

 

The New Tom Green Show is still cancelled.

And for God's sake, why?!! Oh boy! Time for some pontification!

As strange as it may sound, Tom Green's talk show, which debuted in mid-June, was easily the most entertaining thing on late night television. Undergrads and other undesirables around the world may endlessly speak the praises of Conan O'Brien but there's no getting around one, terrible little fact: Late Night with Conan O' Brien is tired.

Conan's shtick began wearing thin right around the time Andy Richter left for browner pastures. The show's comedy bits are repetitious and bland. How many more times will viewers be forced to sit through the likes of If They Mated, a segment that wasn't funny the first time it ran, let alone the 567,098 time? Late Night's more ambitious segments, which incorporate actors and props, are a string of easy-to-write non-sequiturs. Simply mix two objects that don't belong together, like toilet and robot, and you've got yourself a stellar Conan skit. Late Night has become as predictable and mind-numbing as the average episode of Dora the Explorer.

Tom Green's late night odyssey, on the other hand, was slow-motion, apocalyptic, chain smoking still born, multi-Segway accident. Yes, this is a complement. Would Conan attempt to hitchhike cross country with a list of rules that force him to panhandle and sleep under bridges? In 8 years of co-hosting, was Richter ever assaulted by Andy Dick, resulting in a broken wrist? Has Conan ever attempted to literally drown a member of N'Sync? Tom Green accomplished more in a 10 week run than Leno, Letterman and all the others have in the last 20 years.

The show was entretaining because it was dangerous and ballsy. But nobody watched it and it was quickly cancelled, now replaced by reruns of Frat Life. You people have no taste. Here's a blank-verse poetic eulogy for the late, great New Tom Green Show.

Oh, New Tom Green Show
You entertained a few dozen people
With your swearing and cigarettes
And your misguided, often segments, comedy segments
We'll always remember the time when a guest chain-sawed the desk
and when Tom road the elephant
and when he bronzed Nick's cell phone
and when he used a catapult to fling Bill O'Reilly books at a dumpster
and when he attacked someone with a deer's head
Good night, sweat...late night talk show
At least you outlasted Chevy Chase

The New Tom Green Show is dead! Long live the New Tom Green Show!!

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